The Hatrix
by Stretch Man
Summary: Imagine if reality was the world's longest football match...called the Hatrix. With the help of McCoist, David Beckham must save RoboRio from the clutches of Manager Ferguson (ONE-SHOT) My first fic, so please be nice. Foreword from The Farting Menace.


A/N- This is my debut fanfic. It's a parody crossover of the Matrix and the word of football. First, a foreword from my friend, The Farting Menace, who is typing this up for me.

FOREWORD

By The Farting Menace

I first read this manuscript this afternoon, with the promise from Stretch Man that it was decent, but not too funny. Even though I really enjoyed it, I will say the same to you, because in doing so, this fic will go beyond your expectations. But I should warn you that you must have a general know-how of British football and footballers, and the current events revolving around them (e.g. the "boot" banter half-way through between David Beckham and Alex Ferguson.)

Any readers of my fics will enjoy this. Even though this is only a one-shot, I am advising Andrew to develop it into a sequel or a full story. Please review, as feedback will determine the fate of David Beckham and his pals inside the Hatrix…

THE HATRIX

By Stretch Man

"He only has one way out, David!"

David Beckham soon found himself being strapped into the chair and inserted into the Hatrix. He was hacked onto a rooftop, where there was no one in sight. But not for long.

"I'm in." David said.

"There'll be no-one here for a while, so…wait…oh, no…" came McCoist's voice down the mobile phone.

"What is it?"

"…Managers."

"How many?" asked David, starting to worry.

"Three. Here they are."

The managers walked towards him. They stopped about six feet away from him. The middle manager stepped forward.

"Mr. Beckham…surprised to see me?"

"I know you." David remembered, "You're that manager who kicked the footie boot at my face. Who are you, anyway?

"A Manager. Ferguson, Manager…Ferguson."

"I hate you!" David burst out suddenly, "Do you have any idea how much that boot hurt when it hit my face?"

"Oh that was only ONE boot." Manager Ferguson drawled, "I have TEN right in front of me. All ready to be lobbed at your face!"

"Crap!" David shouted as he saw the boots.

"Yes…crap." Manager Ferguson replied.

Manager Ferguson started kicking the boots at David quickly. David bent backwards and the world went all slow as he dodged the boots. They streamed past slowly around him. He lifted his head to look up and a Nike boot hit him square in the head.

"OW! You son of a bitch! That REALLY hurt! Who throws a boot? Honestly? Oh, *you* do, I suppose."

David got out his football and dived through the air shouting;

"Never inevitable!"

But even though he was all ready to kick arse in slow motion (hanging on his strings), the managers stood still. David dropkicked the ball in mid-air, and it connected with his foot in bullet time. The ball hit Manager Ferguson in the stomach, who doubled up and flew back into the other managers and off the building.

So David continued his mission to save his friend, Rio Ferdinand, from being held hostage in the room below. Getting there was easy but when he got there…

"F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-Fr-Fr-Fr-Fre-Fre-Freeze!"

It was unmistakably Rio. Rio had been turned into a RoboManager!

"Oh, no." David said, "He's gone from us and he's one of them. There's only one thing I can do."

"I won't r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-re-re-re-re-re-rep-repeat it!" stammered RoboManager Rio, who STILL had his ridiculous stammer.

"Rio," David said, "you're fired."

"W-W-W-W-Wh-What?" Rio was flabbergasted. Steam was coming out of his ears.

"You're no longer a footballer." David continued.

"N-N-N-N-N-N-N-NO-O-O-O-O!"

"Wow, that looked weird in writing!" David said as he read the manuscript back to himself.

Meanwhile, RoboManager Rio had shut down. The managers could no longer use him against them.

"McCoist, get me out! I want out!" David said into his phone.

"There's a phone in the next room."

"Right."

RING-RING

He was about to pick up the phone when a DeRoboManager-ified Rio ran in.

"I thought you shut down." David said.

"Yeah, but I didn't d-d-d-d-d-die. My contract lasts another year yet." Rio explained.

So together, they jacked out of the Hatrix, and into the real world.

MISSION COMPLETE? Y/N _

A/N- Well that was my debut. Soon, there'll be Star Wars Episode 7 and Dr. Poo. Please read and review.

Disclaimer- The Matrix and all other related names, characters and indicia is registered to the Wachowski Bros. and Warner Bros. Pictures. David Beckham, Rio Ferdinand and Alex Ferguson all belong to themselves, the last time I checked.

COMING SOON…

Star Wars Episode 7

Dr. Poo


End file.
